March 2008
14 posts
i have often thought
that if i could, i would change our family name from the unpronounc-and-spellable “blankity blank” (you didn’t honestly think i’d type it out, did you satan?) to “smith”. cause everyone knows how to say and spell “smith”.
however, in light of hearing the name, “Kevin Bacon” recently… i realised that “Bacon” would be...
last night
i was thinking:
“wow. the woman in my mom’s favorite ladies magazine’s are getting younger.”
then i realised:
“crap. it’s just me getting old.”
“if i spent my life correcting all the people who are Wrong with a capital W, i...”
– kelly, the one and only
“that’s when you know you’re on the mends… when every cough is...”
– ron (after coughing)
so it's pretty obvious...
only girls who:
don’t wear glasses
have really unnatural white teeth
have big hair
have tan skin
have big round perfect boobs
have unhealthy BMI’s
and wear excessive makeup
are pretty.
oh, and big earrings and sequins are a plus.
“it’s not too bad.
there’s no dangly bits.
just an old man being...”
– kelly, about an old man stripping online.
omg... how do i love thee, let me count the ways.
my husband is in the living room introducing my mother to his brother’s band.
his brother’s death metal band.
even more perplexing...
my mom just dropped in. she had me try the dress on.
she thinks it’s ‘adorable’ and ‘oh! you look ‘cute’.’
i’m not sure if this is good news or not.
mands= you’re ensemble is divine.
kel= i’m going to attempt the dress. keep your boobs.
maybe i’ll go for demure.
i’ve never been demure before.
*side note. ...
regarding the map of ludracris' hoes according to...
kelly: did you see the map? of the hoes?
amywithlemon: yes! i think i'm the little red dot in the 504 area!
kelly: probably
in further response to the comment about panty...
this is when going commando is helpful.
no panties= no panty lines.
simple math people.
(that and i find my gym pants look much better on my bum without underwear distorting the view. when you don’t have boobs, you flaunt what you got. i mean, i was given the title of ‘smallest, tightest ass’. i have a title to uphold.)
*random: some guy wrote about girls wearing bad...
in which i am called an amphibian. i don't have...
kelly: i got a really funny mental image of you as a frog
amy: awesome.
kelly: yeah, it was kinda of weird, but you seemed happy. i think you might like to be a frog. personally, i've always wanted to be: a monkey (super-duper upper body strength) or a crocodile (super-duper teeth) and get to bite things to death.
but then on the otherhand...
1. i still don’t get girls. and i am one.
here are the girls i do not get: a) the girl who giggles a lot. at all sorts of things. she also usually shrieks with delight over the most mundane of things: “YEEEEEE! OMG! I TOTALLY THOUGHT IT WAS YOU! AND IT WAS! OMG!” i find it very difficult to relate to this sort of girl, but i do like being friendly with them. more often than not,...
10 things i thought would never happen
1. never thought i would be considered a hip, young, sexual deviant.
2. never thought i would be called an ‘athlete’.
3. never thought my body would be made for swimming (i do things naturally most swimmers train for, who knew?)
4. never thought i’d see a large japanese man play stevie wonder in black face
5. never thought i’d see another japanese man do a pretty...